Five Reasons Why You Should Quit Your Job
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Maybe most of us like to quit our job if we could. We constantly dream about it, but that’s the only thing we can do: dreaming. Having a 9-5 work just seems unavoidable. I, James Gillard, however am a master at defying the unavoidable. I stare ‘The Inescapable’ right in the face and call him dirty names. I say, if you like to stop working, STOP WORKING; I’ll even give you 5 reasons why you should.
1. If you stop working you’ll have more time to devote to reading good articles such as this one. This will enable me to become a trademark name down at the Office of Unemployment and Welfare Services. My famousness is a simple price in achieving your dreams. Think about this when you see me on TV.
2. There’s a great feeling in quitting your job. You’ll be in cloud nine in 10 minutes, you’ll be on top of the world, you’ll have a good life, you’ll be: -insert your own cliche here-. Then you’ll start worrying about the mortgage, school tuition, groceries, and how you’re going to pay that $850 you owe the Petermanns for running over their mailbox and a whole row of prize-winning azaleas. All this will probably depress you to the point of assisted suicide, but at least you had 10 minutes of freedom.
3. Daytime television is some of the most exciting and fascinating television in the market. You’ll wonder how you ever survived without all those quality soap operas, daytime talk shows, and judge shows where you suspect that the judge has beed paid. When you combine this with all the informative advertisements that are shown during day time that will ”Get a degree from home’, ‘Make $1,000 a day answering emails’,'Learn the Internet in 2 hours’ in such exciting fields as GED preparation and septic tank scrubber’ and you’ll not just think why you didn’t leave your job sooner, you’ll promise not to get a job again.
4. In your previous job you missed all those important calls from collection agencies and other bill collectors. Now that you have resigned you’ll be able to sit at home in eager anticipation of these oh-so-important calls. Toss in a few telemarketers, calls from the Sheriff’s Association asking for donations, and a few of those computers that call you and ask you to ‘Hold for an important message’ and you’ll have to sit back and relax answering these calls. It’s like having a job again, without all the hassle of getting a paycheck.
5. Dragging yourself out of bed daily at 5:30 in the morning is not good for your health. Your physician will be happy to know that you care enough for your body to go as far as leaving your job. He will not, however, see you as a patient anymore because you no longer have health insurance. We have free clinics though, and you don’t have to worry. Waiting in this clinic young teenagers diagnosed with Gonorrhea is yet another experience you would have missed out on if you keep working on your present job.
That’s it folks. 5 reasons why you should immediately go out and quit your job. Feel free to quote any of these reasons to your employer when you turn in your two weeks notice. If she wants to know where you came across such valuable information tell her that a unselfish friend of humanity supplied them to you free of charge, and all I asked in return was that you think of me next time you need your septic tank scrubbed…
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